Better Together Page 5

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Matt says:

  ‘Yo, Happy Belated Birthday mate, how was it?’

  Dan says:

  ‘I was up nearly all night.’

  Matt says:

  ‘No way, how come?’

  Dan says:

  ‘It begins with E.’

  Matt says:

  ‘Ha ha – and she was cool with that?’

  Dan says:

  ‘More than cool, she loved it – we had a great night.’

  Matt says:

  ‘Ha – I bet you did!’

  Dan says:

  ‘I really like her mate. She’s lovely.’

  Matt says:

  ‘Glad it’s going well. All OK at home?’

  Dan says:

  ‘Bit sticky but Evie’s OK – and that’s all that matters.’

  Matt says:

  ‘Sounds like you want to be more than mates with Mrs Robinson.’

  Dan says :

  ‘I do like her a lot. I can talk to her about anything, she’s very cool.’

  Matt says:

  ‘Better get on. Let’s go for a cuzza and a few beers soon. If you get brave, maybe I can meet your new lady friend…’

  Dan says :

  ‘Ha… defo up for curry, laters mate.’

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Jess put her head in her hands. ‘If I’d have been with him for a year, even ten months, I’d be the happiest woman in the world, but I’ve been seeing him for less than three weeks. Shit Em, what am I going to do?’

  Mascara created thin black streams down her cheeks as she began to sob.’ I know he won’t want me to have it. He virtually frog-marched me to Boots!’

  Emma put her arm round her distressed friend. ‘It’ll be fine, whatever the outcome. Call him. He might surprise you.’

  ‘I can’t.’ Jess wailed. ‘He’s with Alex tonight sorting out finances and said we’d talk tomorrow.’ Jess slept fitfully. Since the wonderful birthday night Dan had called Jess every day on his way into work. ‘Morning Mrs Robinson, what’s the vibe?’

  ‘The vibe is shaky I’m afraid.’

  He could tell from her voice something major was up. ‘Oh Jess, please tell me you’re not.’

  ‘I am.’ She said quietly and started to cry.

  ‘Call you right back.’ Dan said and promptly pulled over to be sick.

  Jess made herself a cup of tea and sat upright on the sofa. She had always dreamed that the day she found out she was pregnant would be the happiest day of her life. She’d imagined that she’d be with her partner, waiting for the positive result and then they’d fall into each other’s arms crying with joy at the amazing news. Instead, here she was now, not knowing what on earth her partner was going to say to her. Half an hour passed and Dan still hadn’t called back. She was startled by the doorbell. ‘Hey, you. I turned straight round and came to you.’ Dan gave her a big hug.

  ‘Can’t believe our luck, can you?’ Jess half smiled.

  ‘I need a drink.’ Dan sighed.

  ‘Dan, it’s only 10 a.m.’

  ‘I don’t care.’ Dan went to the fridge and got himself a Stella from the stock that Jess now kept for him on the bottom shelf. He joined her on the sofa and held both her hands. ‘I’m not going to beat around the bush here, Jess. I am so sorry but there is no way I want this baby. I won’t be able to cope. It’s going to be hard enough being a part-time Dad to Evie. This is just too much for me to deal with at the moment.’ Jess gulped, she didn’t expect this to be so cut and dried. Dan continued. ‘Ultimately I realise it’s your final decision and I respect that but I don’t want to have any more children, not for a long while yet.’ He had tears in his eyes. ‘I’m really sorry but that’s how I feel.’

  Jess suddenly felt anger rising up inside of her. ‘I, I, I, what about me and how I feel?’ Jess raised her voice and dragged her fringe back roughly off her face. ‘This is a big decision for me, Dan. I’m nearly forty years old; it might be my only chance to have a baby.’

  ‘Jess, the ease with which you fell pregnant this time round, I severely doubt it.’

  He continued calmly. ‘Be realistic, Jess – it’s just not the right time. We’ve known each other five minutes. To be honest with you, I care for you more now than I actually cared for Alex when she told me she was pregnant, so it’s got nothing to do with how I feel about you it’s just I’m not ready for another child.’ Tears slowly began to fall down Jess’s cheeks. ‘Bringing up a kid is hard, Jess, it’s not all cooing and gurgles you know. The first six months are a living hell. We’re having such fun, it would all just stop.’

  Jess contained herself. ‘I can see where you’re coming from but…’ She hesitated. ‘But, I’m older, wiser. I’ve got my own place and I’m financially secure. We could do this. I could do this. You wouldn’t even have to be that involved, if you didn’t want to! I’ve always wanted a baby.’ Jess’s voice faltered.

  ‘Well if that’s the case then go get yourself pregnant by someone else and have a baby.’ Dan even shocked himself at his bluntness. Jess pushed past him and ran up the stairs. He ran after her. ‘Shit Jess, I’m sorry.’ Jess was angry now.

  ‘Maybe I want our baby.’ She shouted. She went into the en-suite bathroom and washed her face with cold water. Dan was sitting on the bed when she came out.

  ‘What a fucking mess, Dan.’ She took a deep breath and regained control.

  ‘OK, we can sort this, Jess, I care for you so much that the last thing I want to do is make you unhappy.’ Dan put his hand on her leg. He could feel her pain but he had made his decision and there was no going back on it.

  ‘Give me a couple of days, Dan, I need to get my head around this.’

  They hugged tightly.

  ‘I’d better get to work.’ Dan said.

  ‘Yeah, yeah you go, I’ll be fine.’

  ‘Call me anytime, Jess, if you want to talk before Friday. I’ll make sure Alex has Evie.’

  Chapter Twenty-three

  ‘Phoebe, it’s me’

  ‘Hey, Jess, long time no hear.’ Caught up in the moment Jess actually hadn’t spoken to her sister for a couple of weeks. ‘I’ve been busy, you know…’ Jess’s voice began to falter.

  ‘What’s wrong, Big Sis?’ Phoebe knew her sister so well.

  ‘Pregnant, I’m bloody pregnant, Phoebes.’

  ‘Okay,’ Phoebe said slowly, ‘anyone I know?’ She continued almost jokingly.

  ‘It’s a long story – well a short one really.’ Jess began to cry. ‘Can I come over and stay tonight please?’

  ‘You don’t need to ask, get in the car now. Glen’s away, so perfect timing.’

  It was 7 p.m. by the time Jess got herself sorted and began the hour-long drive to Phoebe’s house. Georgina and Annabel were waiting at the door, excited at her arrival.

  ‘Auntie Jessica, Auntie Jessica. Look at the picture I did at nursery today.’

  ‘No, no, look at my new reading book.’ The two girls started to fight. Phoebe sighed and then opened her mouth wide to yawn. ‘They’ve been fighting since Georgie got in from school. They’re driving me mad today.’ She pushed her hands through her hair. ‘Right, you two. Finish your drinks and then it’s bedtime. Auntie Jessica and I need to have a chat – in peace.’

  The adults moved through to the solace of the kitchen. Jess already felt better being so close to somebody she loved so much. Sensible Phoebe would give her the advice she needed.

  ‘Wine?’ Phoebe questioned tentatively.

  ‘Yes, what the hell, I do need a drink.’

  ‘How are you feeling anyway?’

  ‘Really horrid, I’m not sure I like being pregnant actually.’

  ‘How far gone are you?’

  ‘I’ve literally just missed my period, so probably four weeks that’s all.’

  Jess relayed the whole ‘love’ story, from two years ago in the Holiday Inn to that morning. Phoebe listened intently. ‘Oh Jess, the good thing is t
hat he knows it was a complete accident, and you in no way, shape or form have tried to trap him.’

  ‘I’d never do that.’

  ‘I know, but it goes in your favour that he knows that.’

  ‘He’s adamant he doesn’t want me to have it though.’ Jess said sadly.

  ‘I think what you’ve got to think about is what you, Jessica Morley, really want. Is it a relationship or is it a baby? Because it sounds like if you do decide to have the baby he isn’t going to be around very much.’ Jess let out a huge sigh. Phoebe put her hand on her arm and continued. ‘He is right in saying bringing up a child is hard. It’s tough enough with two parents and he is being realistic, in that he does have Evie to think about too. It would be a nightmare for him and also for you, as he wouldn’t be able to be around all the time.’

  ‘You know what I’m like though, Phoebes, I’ve already imagined him moving in with Evie and having a ready-made family.’

  ‘Get real, sis, that isn’t going to happen is it? You just told me he was playing the ‘mate’ card not so long ago.’

  ‘I know, I know. I don’t even want to think about that.’ Jess screwed up her face in anguish. ‘Things have changed since we first met. I haven’t said it to him yet but I love him. I really love him. In fact I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone else – and I’m sure he feels the same now. He’s just too scared to admit it to himself.’

  ‘Oh, Jess, I don’t want you to get hurt.’

  ‘I know. His friends do rib him about my age, but I’m hoping what we’ve got between us is enough for him to rise above our age differences. This will make you laugh – I got all excited the other week as he said that one of his mates calls me MrsHarris, and there’s me thinking that it’s because we spend so much time together like husband and wife, when in fact it’s because I’m old enough to be his mother!’

  ‘Oh Jess. I’m not laughing. Sixteen years is a big gap though.’ Phoebe stood up. ‘Right we’re not here to analyse your relationship with him, we’re here to establish if you are going to have this baby. Let me get the girls in bed and I’ll be right with you.’ Georgina and Annabel came running through to the kitchen.

  ‘Night, night, Auntie Jessica.’ Four-year-old Annabel spouted. ‘Can we play with my Plasticine in the morning?’

  ‘Course we can, monkey. Now you be a good girl and get to bed.’

  ‘Auntie Jessica?’ It was Georgina’s turn. ‘Why have you been crying? Has someone been nasty to you?’

  ‘No, darling, no one is ever nasty to Auntie Jessica, and if ever they were, I would tell them that her big grown-up niece Georgina would sort them out!’ Georgina smiled and gave her auntie a big kiss. ‘Love you both,’ Jess said through a watery smile.

  ‘Love you back.’ They shouted back in unison, as Phoebe chased them up the stairs.

  Jess started to cry. This was possibility the most difficult decision she would have to make in her life.

  ‘So, where were we?’ Phoebe poured two more glasses of wine.

  ‘I don’t think I can make his life unhappy, Phoebe, I love him too much. What I’ve got with him is too special for me to muck up. I’ve been waiting all my life to have a connection like this with someone.’ She took a large gulp of wine and announced. ‘I’m going to have a termination.’ Jess couldn’t even bring herself to say the word abortion.

  Phoebe nodded. ‘Hard as it is, I think that is the right decision to make, Jess. You don’t want to be stuck with a screaming baby, if his heart is not in it with you. I can’t think of anything more difficult than being a single parent and that is what you would be, if you’re honest with yourself.’

  Jess wiped her eyes. ‘I’ll go home tomorrow and get to the doctor. Will you come with me when I have it done?’

  ‘Of course I will, angel.’ Phoebe kissed the top of her sister’s head. ‘Here for you always you know that.’

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Dan potted the black, and staggered back to his seat in the pub. He had already had four pints of Stella and it was only eight o’clock. He fumbled around in his pocket for his mobile, no messages from Jess. He was desperate to talk to her but knew she needed time to think without him. He drafted a text to her, deleted it and called Matt. ‘Mate, I’m in the Red Lion, fancy a beer?’

  ‘Alright, Danny Boy. I’m just about to watch a film, but up for one tomorrow’

  ‘Oh come on, mate, just come for the one. I could do with a chat.’ Older, wiser Matt realised that Dan had never before ‘needed a chat’. ‘Alright then. Give me ten.’

  Dan and Matt sat at a table in the corner of the pub.

  ‘Fucking hell. No,are you sure?’

  ‘She showed me the test. Two blue lines.’

  ‘Oh mate, what are you going to do?’

  ‘I’ve told her there’s no way I want it. I’ve just got out of being tied to Alex; I need some time to be me, not another mouth to feed.’

  ‘And how did she take it?’

  ‘She was OK actually. She had a bit of a wobble, said she needed a couple of days to think. Mind you, it’s only been eight hours and that already feels like an eternity. If she decides to have it, I really don’t know what to do.’

  Dan downed his fifth pint. ‘I really like her, like her a lot but I can’t see a future for us. She’s at the settling down age, I’m at the running around stage. I keep telling her that in a roundabout way.’

  ‘Shit, well let’s hope she decides it’s not right. But whatever the outcome you must be fair to her, Dan. From what you’ve told me she adores you.’

  ‘She does, she’s filled her fridge with Stella, and the night in London cost her four hundred quid. She’s always giving me cards and thoughtful little gifts.’ Dan put his hand to his forehead. He was really drunk. ‘Oh God, what am I gonna do?’ Matt saw tears in his friend’s eyes.

  ‘OK, at the moment I don’t know what to advise if she keeps it, but one thing I know for sure, is that if she doesn’t, you have to stop seeing her.’

  Fuelled by Stella, Dan opened up. ‘I don’t want to let her go. She is such a lovely person and I fancy the arse off her. I could go on seeing her like this for years.’

  ‘But you can’t, Dan. If you really do think that much of her, you have to let her go. It’s not fair on her. She said to you she wants a family and you don’t. It’s as clear as that. Keep on seeing her and you’ll end up breaking her heart.’ Dan’s elbow slipped off of the table. ‘Taxi for Harris,’ Matt joked. Dan didn’t laugh as Matt continued. ‘Come on, mate, time to go.’

  Chapter Twenty-five

  It had been a long couple of days for Jess. She had run through a gamut of emotions. One minute she was sure that in order to keep Dan she would have to get rid of the baby and, to be honest, as she was so in love with him this did seem the right way forward. Then she would swing the other way and worry that this may be her only chance of being a mum. Dan had said he didn’t want kids for years and, as she could see herself with no other man, could she just be happy with Evie as a substitute? Part of her thought he may come round to wanting it once he saw how beautiful the baby was, but that was a big risk to take and, if he did decide to leave, it would be a hard and sometimes lonely existence for her.

  She talked to her closest friends and not one of them advised she should keep it. This had helped too. Phoebe’s decision had sealed it.

  Her doctor had been wonderful. Jess matter of factly said that she had found herself unexpectedly pregnant, was sure she didn’t want it and what did she have to do.

  He had given her the number of a private clinic in London. She had made an appointment for the next day, had had a scan and was all set with a date of two weeks ahead for the procedure. She had wanted to have it sooner but as she was only just pregnant, she had to wait or there would be a risk that they wouldn’t be able to conduct the operation successfully. This had actually made her feel better, she had to keep convincing herself that it was just a bundle of cells the size of a pin prick i
nside her and not a baby at all.

  She was already sitting at the table in the restaurant when Dan arrived. He greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. He held his breath when the waitress turned to Jess to ask what she was drinking.

  ‘Large red wine for me please,’ she said.

  He let out an inward sigh of relief and prayed she had made the decision he wanted to hear. ‘I’ve missed you.’ Dan said shakily.

  Jess took a deep breath to stop herself from crying. She was sitting opposite the man who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, and was about to tell him something that she hoped wouldn’t affect the rest of her life.

  ‘How are you feeling?’ He couldn’t come out with what he really wanted to say.

  ‘It’s OK Dan. I’ve booked the termination. All sorted, in true Jessy Morley military style.’ Just saying it made her want to burst into tears.

  ‘OK,’ Dan said tenderly. ‘When for?’

  ‘Two weeks’ time,’ Jess declared and took a sip of wine. ‘I care for you so much, Dan, I can’t make you unhappy and I know that this is the right thing to do.’ She sniffed. As she said these words, she still wasn’t sure if she could go through with it. She was doing it for the sake of their relationship. What mattered to her most at this very moment in time. ‘If you turned around to me and said you wanted to keep it, you know I would without hesitation don’t you?’

  Dan nodded and tears welled in his eyes. ‘Obviously I’ll be there for you the whole time. If you want me to be, that is?’ He was secretly elated that Jess had come to this decision, but he was also pained at how torn his beautiful lover obviously was. He grabbed her hands across the table. ‘Jess, thank you, thank you so much. This is the most altruistic thing anyone has done for me in my life.’

  ‘Dan, I want to go home, I don’t want to eat. Will you stay with me tonight?’

  ‘Without question,’ he replied, knowing he just wanted to hold her close and tell her everything would be alright.